Grateful

   The last time I went back to my parents' hometown was when I was 4 years old. I feel bad for not visiting my family there, but it's hard to find the time and money to go there. If I do go, I would have to stay there for at least a month and I can't afford to take off a month from everything. My parents and other family members would always tell me stories about their childhood and it breaks my heart hearing about how much they struggled before they moved to America.

   My mom has four sisters and one little brother and when they were growing up, they lived with their grandparents too, so they had a total of ten family members in the house. They struggled everyday because they had low-income and feeding ten mouths everyday was not easy. My grandma always told me how my mom worked the hardest to support the family and it made me feel bad for not appreciating my mom enough. My mom and I always have our ups and downs, but she's been there for me through everything. The hardest thing to hear was that I had an uncle that passed away from an infection at about 5 months of age. He was born before my second uncle. During that time, my grandpa was in jail and my grandma didn't want to write to him about his son passing away at such a young age. So, she never told him about his son's death until he was released out of jail. I can't even imagine how hard it must of been for my family, but I'm glad they made it through and never gave up.
                                                         A picture of my parents' town.

   My dad only has one brother and one sister and he was a little more fortunate than my mom's family. They also struggled with poverty, but had less family members living in their house. My dad worked hard to support the family and he started to learn English because he knew he was going to move to America one day. My grandparents from both sides of the family were close friends,so hat's how my parents met. And also how one of my aunts and uncles met. I know it's weird, they basically married each other's brother and sister-in-laws. My cousin Monica and I are the closest to each other because we're a lot alike, but also very different. We're only 5 months apart and sadly, she just moved to Florida a couple months ago. But, good for her, I wish I lived in Florida.
                                                 A picture with my parents, brother and aunt.

  When my parents got married, my dad and uncle moved to America first to settle down and after a couple of months, my mom and my aunt moved together. They all ran a restaurant business in Cincinnati, Ohio where I was also born and raised up until I was seven years old.. then moved to the good ole' Jersey. I've moved about six times before the current house. It's the most expensive house my parents has ever bought and the longest we've lived in a house. I definitely believe they deserved it after all those years of hard work. I look forward to the day I can provide for my family, so they won't have to work anymore.

What's acceptable and what's not?

   It's sad that we have to ask society if something is acceptable or not. I'm sure we've all been afraid to do that one thing because we don't want to seem weird or get judged. Of course you're not weird if you look like Kylie Jenner with the fake boobs, butt and lips. I mean I'm not going to lie, Kylie Jenner is gorgeous, but it's just crazy how so many girls worship and idol her. We all want to be accepted in this society, so we tend to do what everyone else does. Everyone has their own opinions, so we shouldn't do things based on people's opinions. If you like different music, then show it because you might find other people that like the same taste in music too. One of my friends love the Grateful Dead and I never heard about them until I met her. She even has a tattoo on her back. Even though it's not my usual type of music, I get good vibes listening to it.

      I use to worry so much about what people thought about me. I was so insecure about everything that I felt like I was trapped in a box. It was hard to stop caring, but I kept telling myself not to care and to be my true self. There will always be haters, but it's important to stay strong and stay true to yourself. "Kill them with Kindness" is what I always say. Recently.. more like yesterday, I found out this girl on my floor hates me and my friends and it really shocked me because I barely know her and all I ever do is say hi to her when I see her. I overheard her talking about me and my friend also overheard her talking about her too. All in the same day. It made me think how much she actually talks about us. But, who cares? Life will only get better and we should never let anyone bring us down.
 
   Social media sometimes makes things worse. It could be useful when it comes to spreading awareness, but not with the hype about how many followers or likes you have to be "Instagram worthy." With all the pictures of models with perfect bodies, it does make it hard not to be jealous. It's a bad habit to compare yourself to other people, but it's important to love yourself for who you are. For all we know, they could've had plastic surgery.
Another bad thing about social media is that it gives fame to people who don't deserve it. Like Danielle Bregoli, the "Cash me Outside" girl. It's aggravating how a little girl gets famous from disrespecting her mom and continues to be disrespectful. Anything that seems cool on social media becomes acceptable which isn't always fair. Now, she's making millions of dollars...

    We shouldn't worry about what's acceptable or not in society because we're all unique in our own way. People will always hate and judge, but that should never bring you down. It will only make them annoyed seeing you do well in life.

    

First Job

    Two years ago, I got my job at the eye doctor's office and it was my first job ever. I always believed it was the job that God rewarded me after applying to 500 jobs and always getting screwed over. I remember applying to this pizza shop and they said they needed workers, so they hired me on the spot. I came in the next two days to train and they told me I was going to start next weekend... Never sent me the schedule and I had to ask them why I wasn't put in the schedule and their reason was that they "forgot." The next week, they didn't send me the schedule AGAIN. At that point, I lost all hope in ever finding a job. Especially since it was the 500th job that screwed me over. I got so aggravated that they wasted all my time that I called them with *67 and screamed "Fuck you!!".. It wasn't the best way to take it, but I didn't care at the time.

    Couple weeks later, my mom tells me I can get a job at the eye doctor's office because my aunt knows the doctor who also owns the practice. That day, I go to the doctor's house for an interview and everything went well until his son Steven comes home from from the gym. They got all excited introducing me to him and kept talking about the things we were in common. I had a sense that they were trying to set me up with him, but I ignored it because I was too excited for the job. They made him train me for the job and I just went along with it because I was desperate to keep the job.

   I started off working as a receptionist and it was extremely overwhelming with all the phone calls and patients asking you a billion questions. Especially since I had no previous job experiences. After the first week of working, the doctor told me to come to his office and he asked me a couple questions and just as I was about to leave, he asked if I wanted to come over the house during the weekend to swim in the pool and hang out with Steven.. I kindly rejected and said I had to go to church when I really didn't. I felt really uncomfortable with the whole set-up because Steven already graduated college and I was just about to graduate high school at the time. Like why would a college graduate want to date a girl from high school.. He's even older than my older brother! A couple weeks passed and I was getting so annoyed of the doctor asking me to come over and hang out at their place. I loved the job, but he was really pushing it. I made my mom tell him that I was uncomfortable with the whole set-up because of the age difference and that if he didn't want me to work anymore, I would stop working. He understood and said they wouldn't fire me for that reason.

   There are a lot of ups and downs in the job but for the most part, it has been an amazing experience. My co-workers have great sense of humor and they tell I keep them young. The only co-worker I will never like is Flo short for Florence. She usually works at the front desk and she's probably dumber than Patrick Star. She makes a million mistakes and finds people to blame it on. And since I was the youngest and least experienced worker, she would always blame it on me. Every time she realized it was her own fault, she would say "Oops sorry haha" in her high pitched voice that could break anyone's eardrums. The bad thing is that if you ever start something with her, she will go right back to the manager or even the doctor and complain about you.
   After a year of working, they decided to train me to be a technician. I fell in love working as a technician because you have one-on-one contact with the patient and it's great experience. Some patients are a pain in the ass, but most of them are lovable. There was this one patient that kept joking about prescribing him marijuana for his glaucoma. Every time he came in for his appointment, he would joke around and go "Where's my weed!"

  It's been two years since I started working there and I couldn't have asked for a better job. Even though I only work there during my breaks now, they never fail to make it feel like home when I come back. I couldn't have ask for a better team. Minus Flo. :)
 

Beautiful You

When I first started using make-up, I was a junior in high school and I was pretty rough at it. I would watch Youtube videos to learn how to do certain looks, but it would only look good if I followed the exact steps. I started to grow a bigger obsession with make-up this past year. It's fun trying out different looks and looking your best. I started loving make-up when I got better at it from all the practice I had over the weekends when I went out. I never saw make-up as an art until I took an art class the second half of junior year and I started to realize the connection. Blending different colors to create a desired look, highlighting high points of the face like the cheekbone and nose bridge to enhance them, and contouring certain areas like the hallows of the cheek and jawline to define them. Just like art, there are techniques on how to apply make-up in order for it to come out right. If you use too much pigment, it may come out blotchy and unnatural.
No one wants to look like this.

When I was younger, I always went to different types of art classes like watercolor, portrait drawing, and ceramics. Of course in high school, I stopped attending those classes and it wasn't until junior year of high school when I took art class to fulfill a requirement. I remember having a teacher that retired after a week class started and got a new teacher that was teaching for the first time. She was nervous at first, which was expected, but after a few classes, she got the hang out it. Everyone found her annoying, but I thought she was great teacher and she definitely did help me improve. A couple of my projects ended up in a couple art shows that i was able to skip the day of school for. It's a good feeling knowing the teacher likes your art. My favorite project was the pointillism project which is basically a painting technique where you make a painting out of dots. I made a landscape portrait of a farm with a sunset in the back. This project taught me a lot about mixing colors to make illusions and adding colors that would create a more realistic painting. Another one of my favorite projects was the portrait drawing where we had to look in the mirror while trying to draw ourselves. It was pretty hard, but I learned a lot about shading techniques that make the portrait realistic. The use of different colors was important for the skin and hair because they are never just one color. Like for the skin, I had to use a tint of blue, beige, yelllow and brown in certain areas of the face.
                                             An example of a pointillism painting:

An example of Portrait Drawing:

Make-up can completely transform a person's look when it is applied right. Before this year, I was always self-conscious about people seeing my no make-up face. I was afraid of people judging me but I realized it wasn't right to hate on my natural self. I started wearing no-makeup out to get over my low self-esteem. It wasn't easy because I had a face full of acne. I was relying on makeup to cover my flaws and I hated it. But over time, I started to accept myself for who I am and having support from my friends and family was a plus. Now, I just wear make-up for fun whenever I feel like dressing up for the day or whenever I go out at night. No one should ever feel ashamed of what they naturally look like. Each and every person is beautiful.

How To Live a Healthy Life

   The first time I considered going to the gym was when I was sixteen. It was a family party night at my house and my aunt came up to me and told me I gained weight. My self esteem went down the drain and I felt so embarrassed. Even though my aunt did hurt my feelings, I can't really blame her too much because it's normal to be straight-forward and honest in the Asian culture. My uncle was always the one to point out all of the pimples I had. It's their way of saying "Go get your shit together, eat your vegetables, exercise, do well in school."

    I had to beg my mom to get me a gym membership because she didn't want to pay for it or drive me to the gym everyday. Eventually, she gave in and that's when I started my fitness journey. It wasn't easy because I learned everything by myself. Sometimes I had help from some of my friends, but I was mostly on my own. Over the course of 3 years, I learned so much about my body and the way it responds to different foods, workouts and etc. Working out has definitely increased my self-esteem and self-efficacy. It's an amazing feeling when you treat your body well and I want to everyone to know the feeling.

  --- 1. First things first, it never ends right when you go straight from eating burgers and fries one day to eating salads and tasteless chicken the next. It's okay to start small and change your diet gradually. There are a lot of alternatives for a lot of food. It may take more effort to make, but it's good for the body and your future health outcomes. It's more like a life style change than a short-term diet. For example, instead of frying your chicken, you can use breadcrumbs, seasoning and olive oil to bake your chicken. It still tastes great and you still feel great afterwards. You can find a lot of ideas online from food blogs or fitness blogs. The foods that you consume is one of the most important things when it comes to a healthy life. 

--- 2. The gym may feel intimidating, so if that's the case, home workouts can still work. There are a lot of home workout ideas on Youtube, Instagram and etc. If you want to build muscle and lose fat, weight-lifting is the way to go because it's the fastest and most effective way. When you lift weights, it's important to not overwork any muscle parts, so doing full body workouts everyday is not ideal. Your muscles will tire out and you won't see the results that you want. The best way to do this is to focus your workout on one body part every day. That way, your muscles can heal and grow when you're working out another part. I'm sure you've heard it all. Leg day, chest day, back day, cardio day and etc. I mostly learned my workouts from Youtube and Instagram.

--- 3. Moderation is Key. Too much of anything is never good. Except money. 

Don't deprive yourself when you're craving something. You'll get moody and might end up binging later. If you want a cookie, have a cookie. If you want pizza, have a slice. As long as you eat healthy a majority of the time, it's okay to indulge. Life should be enjoyed. You shouldn't have to feel like every day is a drag. Everyday is a new day and a new start. There's no need to be upset that you ate too much one night because you can start over the next day.

--- 4. Love yourself. Each individual is unique and you should never compare yourself to anyone. Although I have to admit it's hard not to compare yourself with other people because of social media and people's opinions. But, it's important to learn to love your own unique self. There were always times when I wish I could change something about my body that only surgery can change. It's not a healthy habit, but I've learned to love myself and my body. I still have doubts at times, but I try my best to stay positive. There will be bumps on the road but who ever said success was easy?

The four steps to a Healthy Life was what I learned to live a healthy and enjoyable life. There's always more to learn and I look forward to learning more over the years.

It's Just the Beginning

Back home in South Jersey, everything was slow and the days dragged on for years. The days would only go by fast if you had a full day of plans. The only good thing about home was the connections I made over the last thirteen years. Without my friends at home, life would be boring and mediocre in South Jersey. Ever since I graduated High School in 2015 and watched everyone leave for college, I felt like I was missing out on everything. I wasn't making as many friends as I wanted to in college since I was a commuter at my nearby college. There was rarely ever something exciting happening and I felt like there was so much more in life than what I was living.
Trapped was what I felt. Being under my parent's roof and not living on my own like everyone else. I mean a lot of people prefer staying home for their own reasons, but I wanted something new in my life and I was tired of living in the same town for thirteen years. During my time at home, I did live my life to the fullest, but not completely because I was still living with my parents. I often got in trouble because my parents always wanted me to be home, but I never wanted to.. I will never understand why they think it's a sin to want to watch the sunrise on the beach. I mean I understand that it's not good to stay out all night until after sunrise, but that's what I lived for. The warm summer nights spent with good company and good vibes were the highlights of my summer. Sometimes I would only get 2 hours of sleep for work, but Cuban Roast Wawa coffee always had my back.
Knowing how much stress I give to my parents (especially my mom), I knew it was only right to transfer to a college where I can truly experience life without two Asian parents nagging about everything I do. In my own opinion, I think I'm a good kid because I work hard in school and at my job. Work takes up most of my days in the summer, so whenever I'm off, I never spend the day at home doing nothing.  I never ask for money or let anyone badly influence me. But, just the fact that I'm never home, they see me as the devil's child.
Every day, I learn something new about myself. Even if it's something small like a new food or song I like. Before moving to Rutgers, I was worried about how I was going to get use to not having a car and not going to target every other day. But of course, I realized a car wasn't necessary since we have buses. And because everything is walk distance. Ever since I moved to New Brunswick, I made so many amazing connections and found my best friends in college. It's crazy how much we relate to each other and I'm glad we all live on the same floor. One of them is named Aileen and she's from Scotch Plains. The other one is Kaz short for Kazmuir and she's from Philadelphia, so she has to pay the out-of-state tuition, unfortunately. My time in college has been a life-changing experience. I learned so much about myself even when I've only been here for a short amount of time. The freedom I have here has allowed me to truly experience life and live it to the fullest. I've learned that if I put my mind to something, I can accomplish anything. Like when I had my last final exam the day before Christmas eve, I kept myself focused and studied my ass off despite being the only person left on campus. It really paid off and I was extremely happy that I got a 96 on it. It's an amazing feeling to be satisfied with life and to know that it's just the beginning.

Fitness Inspiration

Over the weekend, I decided to interview one of my closest friends back at home. His name is Kenny Randall and he's a 6'3 basketball and football player. For the past few months, I've been seeing him work hard towards his fitness goal and inspiring many young individuals to work for their goals too. He's been on Youtuber David Laid's channel a couple times and has gained many social media followers since then.
He went to University of South Carolina to play football his first two years and now he is taking classes at a community college for a semester until he transfers to Rutgers next year.

Interview
What inspired you to start a serious transformation?
- After being on David Laid's Youtube Channel, I recieved a lot of messages from his followers asking for advice and telling me that I inspire them to start working out. It's an amazing feeling knowing that people look up to you for inspiration and motivation. So, i thought it would be a good idea to start a transformation and bring my audience with me through this journey.

Have you started your Youtube channel yet?
-No, not yet, but I've started filming and editing already. It's going to take time to get use to filming, but I'm looking forward to starting my channel.

Do you want to get serious in the Youtube world?
-If my channel grows, then yes. But if not, I'll still do it as a hobby and have fun with it.

How did you meet Fitness Youtuber David Laid?
- I met David in high school. We both went to Mainland Regional High School. It's a small school and everyone basically knows each other.

What's your progress so far on your transformation?
- So far, I've lost over 60 pounds. I started at 356 pounds and now I'm about 290 pounds. I haven't gone under 300 pounds in years so I'm really proud of my progress. Seeing more progress motivates me to work harder.

What have you been doing differently in this transformation?
- The one thing that has really changed in this transformation is my diet. I've been counting my macros almost everyday. There are some days when I don't count what I eat, but I do it a majority of the time. Diet is really important and it can completely affect your progress.

So, What are your plans for Rutgers?
- As of right now, I plan on transferring to Rutgers next fall and hopefully play football there. Things could change, but I'll have to see if plans fall through.

Overall, it was nice interviewing Kenny and seeing a slightly different side of him. He's usually never serious and always joking around. But after this interview, I decided to be serious about my transformation. I usually struggle the most with the diet part, but I'm going to try my best to eat as healthy as I could. I have to cut out the late night munchies and cheat meals. Hopefully I'll start to see some progress!